Posts tagged life
this messy, grace-filled life.

_DSC5754 It happens every fall. Every single fall. I start to notice that life is full, busy, overwhelming.

That life is messy.

I realize that I have nothing together in the slightest, amidst the weariness and the tiredness. I realize how everything longs for rest and peace, and the busier I become, the less joy I have. I start noticing how the things I’m struggling with, I’ve been struggling with for months, and how the questions I’ve had are still unanswered; and how life seems at standstill. & then I start supposing that all these troublesome, little things, will never end. And though I whole-heartedly and sincerely believe that God is sovereign, kind, and so exceedingly patient, I forget so easily.

But that's what brings me back to the Savior.

So then, I spend late nights searching my heart for truths and past graces. I’m seeing more and more that God’s will is never delayed, and even though on some days it may seem so, surely I am where I’m intended to be and what’ll come will come when it will. I've started to realize, complete and utter satisfaction in Christ brings so much more comfort than anything that the world can ever offer. The Potter molds me each and every day; refining my thoughts and sanctifying me so I can imitate Him. He’s transforming and tuning my heart to sing His grace and fully pray, “Yet not as I will, but as you will.”

Jesus is giving me enough for each and every day; making this such a grace-filled life. I'm seeing the sweetness of trusting in Christ alone who anchors me. I am unworthy. weak. but His strength carries me through and through. & His unswerving faithfulness baffles me. every. single. time. How I can survey the sweet, wonderful cross and come set all my cares at the feet of the one wounded for me? His love and compassion are vast and boundless and free. Hallelujah. How so very kind He is to a poor, sinner as I.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." -Matthew 11:28

hannahHannahbusy, fall, hannah, life, messy
Learning balance and fighting for joy

"The fight for joy is the struggle to trust God with the burdens of life...it's a fight for hope and peace and joy, which are all threatened by unbelief and doubt about God's promises." —John Piper
As I type, the sun is coming through the blinds, painting splatters of light throughout the room and onto my face. Goodness, I love September. I am fairly sure that it is my favorite.

Although school has been in session for nearly a month now, the stage of finding that balance between school, work, and life in general still lingers. Summer pleasures sit crumpled in the dust and instead my time consists of late nights and deadlines. Everything feels like a whirlwind, and I have no clue in the slightest as to know how long I will be able to keep pace with it all. Junior year's arrival was a major hit; one that swept me off my feet.

The year looks like a big elephant; staring at me from my plate; taunting me with, "So, whatcha gonna do, short person?"..and it is overwhelming. Where to even start is beyond me; but I'm just trying to take each day, one by one. Bit by bit. Busyness is not classy, nor is it something to brag about. When everything boils down, having a full calendar can be some of the loneliest of times. Things are different compared to a year ago. Change is difficult, and it's easy to feel burnt out. The desire to question and choose self pity calls my name every single night. And at times, it looks really appealing.

But I am so very glad that I can hope in the God of hope and have a peace knowing the God of peace. I am trying to remember that "now" is only "now" for a day and 'tis but only a short season in the scheme of life. I'm being pushed closer and closer to the One who cares for my soul and the One who offers more satisfaction and comfort than I could ever imagine. I'm realizing that I cannot make my own joy complete, but instead, it is truly a gracious gift from God. I'm trying to remain faithful (even if it's a sloppy kind) and full of a sincere, heartfelt, joy. But man, is it a fight.

I have no idea what I'm doing

Life lately has felt like an unpredictable sea in the midst of a dark, trying storm... A storm where seeing a foot in front of you is nearly impossible. A humming sound came softly behind me from the dishwasher as I stood shaking, tears rolling down my cheeks, trying to breathe. I stood utterly confused, overwhelmed, stuck, disappointed-- feelings that seem far too familiar to me each year around this time. I broke. All the feelings and thoughts I had kept locked up for so long let loose, like water rushing through open gates of a dam. Words that I dared not utter finally left my lips: "I don't know what I'm even doing," I told my mom. I faced the fact that I was not where I wanted or intended to be. Honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing. I hit a wall. I was stuck. Summer has not been as I imagined or hoped, and at times it can be extremely discouraging. Many times, I have been so close to throwing in the towel regarding all things photography. I have been close to deciding that my desires for marriage should be abandoned after finding out that once again, affections I had were not returned and should instead retire to the single, "forever alone" life.

Dare I say that having a flowchart for every detail of my life would make things easier? Trusting and faith...it's not easy, to say the least. But if faith were easy, wouldn't it not be real faith? I find myself stuck in a dark patch, or perhaps lost in the middle of a field of overgrown grass; I cannot see what the future holds and to say that it scares me not would be a lie. All I can do is put everything I cling to (and wrongly so) at the feet of my Father, and instead cling to what stands the test of time: the cross of Jesus. I realize all I can do is that and ask God to change my heart and put Him above all. That he would show me what to do as each day passes and constantly remind me, "Oh child of little faith, why are you afraid?" (Matthew 8:26).

Internal conflict has been deep within my soul..trying to find contentment and joy knowing that I am exactly where I am intended to be. Trying to cherish the present and remember what is to come will come. Trying to remember that I cannot mess up God's plan. Trying to remember that none can love me more than Jesus. Battling my fear of waiting and uncertainty when my mind plays dirty tricks on my heart. I sing and play all the more louder the stanzas by Louisa M. R. Stead in her hymn, "Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus" and stanzas of Anne R. Cousin's hymn, "The Sands of Time are Sinking" is that not a gift of grace that I can sing those words with a whole-hearted confidence?

"We trust in what we cannot see," my mom told me. "It's so hard," I whimpered. But that's the beauty of it. Jesus uses every little moment, every stage in life to bring His children closer. I forget that X is only a stage, a stage that takes me further on the journey closer to Christ. That X stage will not last always. That I have hope in the source of my hope: Jesus. That I look not to my hand which clings to Christ, but to Christ himself.

"We will never find happiness by looking at our prayers, or deeds, or our feelings," Spurgeon writes, "It is what Jesus is, not what we are, that gives rest to the soul."

I hear the savior say, thy strength indeed is small, child of weakness watch and pray, find in me thine all in all. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, let this blest assurance control: That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, and hath shed His own blood for my soul. With mercy and with judgment my web of time He wove, And aye, the dews of sorrow were lustered with His love; I’ll bless the hand that guided, I’ll bless the heart that planned when throned where glory dwelleth in Immanuel’s land.

When life feels like an unpredictable sea, Jesus remains the anchor to my soul. -Hannah

When things don't go as planned

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." —Psalm 27:14

There's a lot in my life that happens unexpectedly. And when things don't go as planned, I start to panic. I am a huge planner. I think making lists is insanely fun, and having every aspect of my life planned out for the next week, next year, is something i find relaxing. Ironically, though, none of my dreams or goals usually happen in my own timing or the way I think they should. I think that God uses the fact of me being an over-planner to bring me to wait and rely on Him instead of myself; because often times, those plans of mine are foiled. completely.

Waiting is hard. I'm still struggling with it. Yet, God constantly proves to me that He is always faithful. I forget that I can simply ask, and simply wait. Not all of my desires are in His will or His timing, but I am confident that if a prayer is not answered, something much more sweet is given in its place.

Too many times have I wanted to jump ahead in life and rush to whatever I thought was the next big thing. Too often I became upset when things didn't go as planned. Too many times did I forget that there's many things to cherish in the present. Too many times did I worry about tomorrow, when the Bible clearly states that I don't have to. Too many times did I forget to stop, and just thank God for today being today. Too many times did I forget to enjoy life, here, right now.

Paul David Tripp wrote via Twitter, "Waiting bothers us because it's in the way of our plans but it's never in the way of God's plan of grace for us." It hurts how true this is of me. I am so fickle, friends, and I fail constantly. But praise God who gives me enough grace for each day and as I fail Him, lovingly brings me back to Himself.

My heart is full. Full with joy, full with awe. I serve an amazing, gracious God. Right now, I'm waiting on answers, waiting on people, and waiting ultimately for the Lord. Many times, things don't always go as planned; and while I may not understand why, I am confident in the fact that they are ultimately for my good. I am convinced that this time is being used to conform me more to His image and I am so very glad.

I live a not-so, glamorous life.

I'm a sixteen year old girl who prefers to listen rather than talk. I have a quiet voice, but when I sing to myself or shout loudly, heads turn, which, makes me uncomfortable. And I reaaally don't like being outside of my comfort zone. I only play the piano when I think nobody's listening, I strongly dislike trying new things and surprises, & when things go wrong, I panic more than I should. I'm an introvert who enjoys trying to figure out people and I'm trying to become outgoing. I whole-heartedly believe that I'm funnier than I really am, and I say most of the things I do to make myself laugh. I consider myself to be awkward to a degree; and I believe that having a sweatshirt which says, "Hello I'm awkward" proves it. I don't like asking for help or asking questions because I hate to be a bother. I don't like to feel vulnerable and I don't like getting hurt. I have a hard time saying no, but I have a hard time saying yes, too. I dream big and often times find myself wanting to be at the finish line, rather than enjoying where I am now. I can go weeks without touching my camera or pen, but when I pick them back up, I can't put them down. I don't like taking photos without a reason or purpose, and I push myself and my gear to their limits. When I write, I want it to be perfect, but most times it's not. I have a hard time coming up with something I'm proud of. I'm a lover of contractions and simple sentences despite my attempts to stop. I'm also learning to accept that it's fine if I'm not the most inspirational writer or photographer, but it's okay to do what I love simply because I can.

I want to grow in love for those around me and treat others as brothers and sisters in Christ. I so often forget that God is good and that He cares for my soul. I often forget that faith isn't easy, but that Christ will never leave or forsake me. I forget that I was created in His image and my value is in Him. I have a sinful heart that longs to be more like Christ and one that's easily discouraged when I fail Him or others around me. I have a heart that is constantly learning to say, "it is well with my soul".

I write this to shed some real, authentic light on who I am. Not for pity or applause. So often, I think that I should only share life's highs, but never the lows or in-betweens. i forget that there's joy in all of these if you just look for it. I don't want to be presented as a super version of myself; I want to be presented as me. I love Jesus and I fail Him all the time, but I love that Jesus is working within me. I love seeing his hand in everything that's happened so far in my life, and I love that it's all for his glory. I love that I'm Hannah Forsberg, I love who I'm becoming, I'm beyond thrilled for the future, and I can't wait to see where God will take me. I live a not-so, glamorous life. And that's perfectly okay with me.

love, hannah