Learning balance and fighting for joy
Although school has been in session for nearly a month now, the stage of finding that balance between school, work, and life in general still lingers. Summer pleasures sit crumpled in the dust and instead my time consists of late nights and deadlines. Everything feels like a whirlwind, and I have no clue in the slightest as to know how long I will be able to keep pace with it all. Junior year's arrival was a major hit; one that swept me off my feet.
The year looks like a big elephant; staring at me from my plate; taunting me with, "So, whatcha gonna do, short person?"..and it is overwhelming. Where to even start is beyond me; but I'm just trying to take each day, one by one. Bit by bit. Busyness is not classy, nor is it something to brag about. When everything boils down, having a full calendar can be some of the loneliest of times. Things are different compared to a year ago. Change is difficult, and it's easy to feel burnt out. The desire to question and choose self pity calls my name every single night. And at times, it looks really appealing.
But I am so very glad that I can hope in the God of hope and have a peace knowing the God of peace. I am trying to remember that "now" is only "now" for a day and 'tis but only a short season in the scheme of life. I'm being pushed closer and closer to the One who cares for my soul and the One who offers more satisfaction and comfort than I could ever imagine. I'm realizing that I cannot make my own joy complete, but instead, it is truly a gracious gift from God. I'm trying to remain faithful (even if it's a sloppy kind) and full of a sincere, heartfelt, joy. But man, is it a fight.